We’ve gone through quite a bit in the last 4-5 years. My sweetheart had to stop working. He’s a chronic pain sufferer. There’s a list of things the doctors state (migraines, fiber myalgia, arthritis, degenerative disks, high blood pressure, etc.) but, we’re still believing in Devine healing. My mother in law had a stroke (almost a complete recovery, praise God). My mom was showing signs of dementia. Both moms have type 2 diabetes. There’s more that happened in the last 5 years but those are the majors. Everything & everyone’s lives seemed like they landed on me. I was supporting family members that needed a hand, I was taking care of our responsibilities (what 2 checks once paid only 1 did now). Children needed help & there was no thought, we helped. Life wasn’t as easy as it had been. Life wasn’t being taken for granted any more.
Things change for good & for … well, lets just say for the better yet to come. It was hard, it was depressing, it was for my good, eventually. I felt alone, in a desert, desperate for God but, He was saying “I’m on the other side. Keep working through this time. I’m waiting for you.” My sweetheart tried to help, he tried to support me the best he could. I needed Jesus but, He had a plan for me to grow. Growing pains, man, they hurt. I started eating & eating. Wrong comforter. Chips, candy, junk food, fast food none of this satisfied me but, I sure tried any way, lol. I had/have a great job (praise God) but, I wasn’t satisfied or happy there either. I wasn’t enjoying children’s ministries any more either (other than having my 1st grandchild in my class 1 year). I just wanted what we had! Financial comfort, freedom, joy, a great relationship with Jesus & family. I wanted my life back! God said wait. Wait. I hate waiting. Can’t we just go to the store & get it? I’m a good person & so are our family members! Why Lord, why?
I’ve been through Refiners fire. Man, it is hot & uncomfortable, it’s lonely, it’s dry, it’s miserable, I wouldn’t recommend it … or maybe, I would. I’ve come out stronger, more in love with my Jesus & my sweetheart. I’m down 40 pounds & feeling like I’m going to hit my goal. I have the same job & I love it. We’re doing ok financially. We can pay the bills there’s not a lot leftover but there’s enough. Our marriage is stronger than ever. My mom lives in a nice facility & for the most part she’s happy. My MIL is happy, they’re buying a new home! Wow! In their 70s & buying a new home. #Amazed. BTW, my sweetheart’s folks were pastor’s, it was a long time for them too.
We never know where God is leading us. But, it’s our responsibility to trust Him. Our responsibility to believe regardless of how things look. Every day I pray for The Lord to change me, make me more like You Lord. Use me, I want to be the person that makes others say ‘there’s something different about her, I want that’. Make me radically different, radically obedient, make me Jesus with skin on. Lord, when I wake up make satan cringe knowing I’m walking out the door to claim Your grace. Give me grace, show me love, heal my man & make me the woman of God You intended me to be! I love You Jesus, I trust You, I’m Yours! Amen.
This is my life. I’m good with it. I’m better with it with Jesus, my sweetheart & our whole family.