I’m reading Made To Crave by Lysa TerKeurst, again. I’m going to actually read the whole thing this time. I’ve read the first 2 chapters & already feel so convicted. Am I craving things/food more than I crave God? Uggghhh, I am!
That dark chocolate that tells me “it’s okay, you’ve had a long day & you exercised”. Bleh. How is it possible that I’ve made my yo-yo dieting my idol but, isn’t that really what it is? I’m always on some sort of diet or exercise plan. But, I don’t normally see success. Because I’m doing it in my own strength. I’m not relying on God to do this, I’m relying on whoever is the next great diet/exercise guru. Well, they can’t help me. I know where my strength is but, I guess I don’t know how to turn to Him & leave it in His hands. I go to Him all the time with my desire to be healthy & every time I grab a bag of chips. What the heck is wrong with me?
You know what’s wrong with me? I’m Eve’s daughter. I want to have control, I want to be in charge, I want to be the master of my own domain … I’m staring at my cursor blinking … the truth hurts … I’m crying … oh Lord! Please! Forgive me.
Even as I typed that deep down I know it’s still an issue. I prayed but, now will come the hard work. Give my eating & exercise to Him & stop doing what I’ve always done. High protein, low carbs, low calories, journal your food Stela, let’s try plyo, no let’s dance, how about intense weight training …. arrrrggghhhh! I’m already sitting here thinking of what I should do that would please God but, I know it’s the same stuff done all these years!!!!
Father God, I come to you begging for you to change me. I DO want to be healthy, I DO want to be strong. Please, Lord, I don’t want to end up like my mom with dementia because she didn’t take care of her blood sugar & I don’t want to be like my sweetheart’s mom in a wheel chair because of weight issues. Please, Lord change me. Change my desires, change my mind, my heart & my desire to be in charge of me. I need you, this is impossible for me but, I KNOW that nothing is impossible with you. I love you Lord with all of my heart & I am so grateful for all the things You have allowed me to do & to be. But, this one area of my life Lord has been an never ending cycle that I desperately want to change. I thank You Father God for loving me, taking care of me & for changing me into the woman You have chosen me to be. In Jesus name, Amen.