The Root of All Evil

Money. We all want it, need it.  1 Timothy 6:10 says “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many.” I don’t love money but it’s necessary in today’s society. I have debt like everyone else. I keep asking God to clear our debt but, I know I’m not responsible enough & that’s why He keeps saying not yet. I can wait, I have to.  Isaiah 40:31 “but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Yes, I hear that in a small child’s voice because of David Crowder.

Over the years our income has been cut in half due to my sweetheart’s health. But I still believe. I know that I know “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:19. I believe. I have faith of a mustard seed. God will make a way. He always does.

Thank You Jesus for Your provision. I know Lord that everything has a purpose. I don’t understand the purpose for my sweetheart’s pain, I don’t understand why our income was cut in half but I know that there is a reason for everything. I know that at the end of this tunnel I will be stronger, my faith will continue to grow, I will be a mighty woman of God. I AM A MIGHTY WOMAN OF GOD. IN JESUS NAME, I THANK YOU & LOVE YOU FATHER GOD. AMEN!

I Was Made for … More

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Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst is a good book.  I like reading Lysa’s books, she writes in a familiar way, like she’s just sitting across from me with a cup of coffee.  I feel the same way when I read the P31 blog & it’s Melissa, Nicki or Shelly.  But, I have to admit, I started this study because I love OBS not because of the book this time.  I’ve had the book for years, I’ve never read it the whole way. Honestly, I think this is the first time I’ve read anything after chapter 1.  Why is that?  I like Lysa’s books, I like this one but … oh my gosh I’m learning so much about me & it’s scaring me.

I like to think I rely on God but, during this study I have come to realize I don’t.  It hurts me just to say that.  What I’ve relied on is me, me & junk food.  I can do all things through Doritos that fatten me.  Rough day at work?  Chocolate.  What, my sweetheart hurt my feelings?  Time for chips.  No prayer, no slowing down.  Enemy 1 Stela 0.  Not cool.

I haven’t figured out this struggle during this study either.  Stubborn or stupid?  I no longer have things in the house that tempt me … or do I?  I’ve learned that a jar of peanut butter soothes my soul for a bit … it’s going to have to move out, sigh.  But, I’m still not auto pilot reaching to God to help me.  I reach out to Him to tell Him everything else in my life but, not my food.  It’s not logical, it’s the definition of insanity.  I keep doing the same things I’ve always done & expecting a different outcome!  What the heck?  I teach this stuff but, I’m not living it!

Lord, please, HELP ME!

“For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things” (Psalm 107:9)

Lord, instill Psalm 107:9 in my heart, make it my life’s calling.  Please.

I sound like a whiny kid & I don’t mean to.  But, why is it my sweetheart can eat anything & lose weight while I watch him & gain it.  Hmmph.  I think it’s ironic that God created me to be strong, independent, I take care of my sweetheart, the house, my job blah blah blah but, I can’t take care of me.  And, because I’m so strong I don’t even think about reaching out to God & letting Him fix it.  I pray, I ask Him to take this from me but, almost as soon as the prayer is off my tongue I’m thinking how I can fix this.  All I have to do is stop eating, ya.  Or, all I have to do is exercise more/different.  I know!  I heard about this new program, it’s going to work wonders!!!!

I could do an infomercial on infomercials … only 29.95 no shipping & if you act right now we’ll double your order of useless info!  Sweet deal!  I want me some of that!

I trust in my Savior.  He has given me so much.  I am blessed beyond measure.  Yes, I have things I’m waiting for Him to fix but, I have so much more than I ever thought possible.  This weight issue is His & I need to leave it with Him.  I’m not craving things as badly as I have.  I’m turning to Him more often when I’m at the store to keep certain things out of my basket.  I’m making progress even if I haven’t lost 50 pounds during this study.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”  Lamentations 3:22-24

The Lord is my portion!  I will wait for Him!  Great is Your faithfulness, great is Your faithfulness, morning by morning new mercies I see.

Thank You Father God that You never give up on me.  Thank You for loving me so fully, so deeply, so sincerely.  I pray Lord, that I can love You in the same way.  You are my God, my Savior, my Love.  I love You!  In Jesus mighty name!  Amen.

This entry was posted on February 20, 2014. 6 Comments

Blog Hop? Already?

Most week’s I see the topics for the Blog Hop & my heart starts beating fast, I’m excited, oh my goodness how will I pick my topic.  This week?  Not so much.  I don’t know why, they’re good topics but, I just wasn’t there.  But, after answering questions in chapter 5 of Made to Crave & reading the beginning of chapter 6 I knew what I had to write about. 

 #DETERMINATION

Ya buddy!  I’m determined.  I have so many reasons not to take care of myself.  Dick needs me, I have to do my studies, I’m too tired, cooking, cleaning, laundry blah blah blah!  Who doesn’t have those things to deal with?  Is the whole world overweight?  NO.  Do they all have people to take care of those things?  NO.  I just need to do it!

I should be a Nike commercial … Just do it!

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your bodies.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV

I suddenly see a girl in black yoga pants, pink top & the cutest pair of pink & black shoes running.  Hey!  That’s MY workout outfit!  I’m working out!  I’m kicking my own butt! 

My eating … hmmmm.  I need to remember that a temple is sacred.  My body is sacred because, it’s not really mine.  I’ve given myself, all that I love, all that I own to my Savior.  He takes much better care of everyone than I do (& trust me, I’m not modest).  I need to trust Him to take care of my nutrition, I need to make Him the object of my cravings.  I need to know that I know that He cares for me & He cares about my health.  I don’t need Devine healing (it would be nice to wake up & be a size 8 but, no).  I don’t need to become obsessed with my workouts & my nutrition.  I NEED TO MAKE GOD MY ALL-IN-ALL!!  I can say it, I think I mean it until … someone upsets me – chocolate, give me chocolate, until I feel I’m behind – chips, I need chips.   Hmmmm, definitely a pattern.  I need to turn to my Savior when those things happen, I need to open His Word & read the truth.

Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared.  This day is holy to our Lord.  Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”  Nehemiah 8:10 NIV

I did a search for “The joy of the Lord is mine” (I can never remember book # & verse).  Nehemiah 8:10 was the first verse that popped up.  I will enjoy CHOICE food & sweet drinks (thank You Jesus for sugar-free Starbucks).  I will enjoy in moderation, I will pray & read His Word before I just wander to the pantry for junk.  God cares about my eating, He loves me.  I worry about my kids having the same weight issues I do so, imagine how much more God cares.

God creator of all cares about me.

This entry was posted on January 30, 2014. 5 Comments

Craving God or Am I

I’m reading Made To Crave by Lysa TerKeurst, again.  I’m going to actually read the whole thing this time.  I’ve read the first 2 chapters & already feel so convicted.  Am I craving things/food more than I crave God?  Uggghhh, I am!

That dark chocolate that tells me “it’s okay, you’ve had a long day & you exercised”.  Bleh.  How is it possible that I’ve made my yo-yo dieting my idol but, isn’t that really what it is?  I’m always on some sort of diet or exercise plan.  But, I don’t normally see success.  Because I’m doing it in my own strength.  I’m not relying on God to do this, I’m relying on whoever is the next great diet/exercise guru.  Well, they can’t help me.  I know where my strength is but, I guess I don’t know how to turn to Him & leave it in His hands.  I go to Him all the time with my desire to be healthy & every time I grab a bag of chips.  What the heck is wrong with me?

You know what’s wrong with me?  I’m Eve’s daughter.  I want to have control, I want to be in charge, I want to be the master of my own domain …  I’m staring at my cursor blinking … the truth hurts … I’m crying … oh Lord!  Please!  Forgive me.

Even as I typed that deep down I know it’s still an issue.  I prayed but, now will come the hard work.  Give my eating & exercise to Him & stop doing what I’ve always done.  High protein, low carbs, low calories, journal your food Stela, let’s try plyo, no let’s dance, how about intense weight training …. arrrrggghhhh!  I’m already sitting here thinking of what I should do that would please God but, I know it’s the same stuff done all these years!!!!

Father God, I come to you begging for you to change me.  I DO want to be healthy, I DO want to be strong.  Please, Lord, I don’t want to end up like my mom with dementia because she didn’t take care of her blood sugar & I don’t want to be like my sweetheart’s mom in a wheel chair because of weight issues.  Please, Lord change me.  Change my desires, change my mind, my heart & my desire to be in charge of me.  I need you, this is impossible for me but, I KNOW that nothing is impossible with you.  I love you Lord with all of my heart & I am so grateful for all the things You have allowed me to do & to be.  But, this one area of my life Lord has been an never ending cycle that I desperately want to change.  I thank You Father God for loving me, taking care of me & for changing me into the woman You have chosen me to be.  In Jesus name, Amen.

This entry was posted on January 23, 2014. 5 Comments

GIFTS AND TALENTS! gifts and talents?

Blog Hop, love this.  I love that I get given ideas about what to write about instead of my … meanderings, lol.  Well, this week I realized I wanted to hit all 4 suggestions.  Ambitious?  Nope, they all tie together so well for me.

Psalm 139:1 – You have searched me, Lord, and You know me well.

The Lord knows me so well that He gave me gifts & talents.  He searched me & knew I could be trusted with certain things.  He searched me & decided I was the one to have these particular talents.  He knew these things about me before I was born!  Wow, that’s amazing & so very humbling.

Gifts & talents hmmmm, what are mine?  I had to slow down & think about it.  Slowing down … that’s hard.

I am a Sanguine.  I love having fun, I love people (that’s why I’m in HR).  I get bored really easily, I’m easily … squirrel!  I mean I’m easily distracted.  I’m also Choleric (sounds like a disease).  I like to solve problems, I’m organized & confident.  But, the other side to that is I’m arrogant (I thought I was just confident, yuck), opinionated & manipulative.  That just sounds so negative.  Let’s go back to the good stuff … I’m fun!

I took the test regarding my gifts.  My strengths were faith, exhortation & teaching.  Hmmm, interesting.  Let’s put this all together.

I am a sanguine I love fun.  I am also choleric I like to be involved, lead, I like to move.  I have to confess, the paper method was too slow, I went to the Spiritual Gifts Test page.  Did I mention I am Sanguine/Choleric?  I know God is going to move (faith) I will encourage you while we’re waiting (exhortation) & I will explain why I know (teaching).  I will make all of that happen in a fun way (sanguine) & we’ll go at a faster organized pace (choleric) cause I don’t want to get bored (sanguine).

I enjoy that.  I could do that all over again in a different way if it helps.  No?  Geesh.

Jamy Whitaker posted this Wednesday morning, “We must be intentional about being the person God has created each one of us to be.”  It’s so true.  Do I live my life intentionally?  I don’t know.  I hope so.  But, my next question is what do I do with these talents/gifts?  I’ve been praying about this for days.  But, if finally hit me this morning.  I’m trying to work these gifts in a spiritual way, making them a ministry, making them religious.  But, not all of us are called into ministry!  What if this is just supposed to be the way I live out my life?  Crazy, right?  No, not at all.  God so carefully has everything figured out, intricately, everything having a purpose.

I’m a sanguine/choleric, I like to have fun & people enjoy having fun with me.  It’s all clean, all uplifting.  Living my life for God & others see Him through me (I pray).  I’m friendly, I get excited about the smallest of things, I love being busy, I have lots of energy, if there’s a problem I’ll help you fix it!  I’m in HR when I discipline employees they usually walk away laughing & ready to start over (thank You Jesus).  I won’t force my faith on you but, I KNOW that I KNOW He is alive, I know my God can fix everything.  I will lift you up during hard times & I will gladly share His Word.  I will gladly share everything I know & if I don’t know I will research & get back to you.  I have gifts & talents that God uses daily!  He has put me right where He wants me!  I use my talents for God every day, everywhere, all the time #YesIDo!

If I could chose something different would I?  Sure, the grass is always greener on the other side.  I would do full time ministry.  I would lead children & women.  I would love that but, that’s not the ministry I have at this time.  My ministry is very much in the world & that’s okay.  I have the opportunity to make an impact for Jesus.  I have the opportunity to live my life as if Jesus was coming to pick me up today.  I can make a difference, I can love others the way my Savior loves me.  I’m not as good as He is but, I’ll sure try hard daily, I’ll pray continually.

Lone flower

Father God, thank You for showing me my gifts & talents.  Thank You for showing me how to use them in a daily manner, in a way that can make a difference for Your Kingdom.  Lord, You know my heart & I pray daily for you to open my heart & mind to Your will.  Keep me free from sin, everyday teach me to be more like Jesus.  I’m Yours Savior, I’m all Yours.  Use me as You would have fit.  Make me an empty vessel that only You can fill.  In Jesus mighty name I pray.  AMEN.

This entry was posted on November 20, 2013. 12 Comments

Change

I’m in a weird place right now. It feels like things are going to change but, I don’t know how or what. I just know this is a season of change. It’s exciting yet, curious.

Is it my weight? That wouldn’t make sense since I’ve been working on that for 6 months. It better be changing. Lol.

Is it our finances? That would be cool. But, we just finished Christmas shopping & birthday season so, no. Unless the change is we’re broke, then yes. Not the change I had hoped for.

Is it my sweetheart’s health? That would be an awesome blessing! I would love it if he were healthy & happy again. I know he would too. Yeah! I like this one.

Is it work? That could be cool. So many directions for that.

Maybe it’s just me who’s changing. Growing in my relationships with God, family, friends or work.

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s this blog or maybe it’ll be a ministry of some sort. That would be awesome.

I still don’t know.

I still still don’t know & that’s ok. My Savior knows & He’ll let me know when the time is right.

This entry was posted on November 14, 2013. 2 Comments

Unpacking

Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

“No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” (John 8:10, 11 NIV)

Wow, God forgives me. It seems so easy. But, I know how hard it is to let it go. I sit here & relive my sins over & over. They hit me when I least expect it. I’m putting on my make-up & blamus (it’s a new word, will hit the dictionary some day), I’m cooking, I’m working, you know & all of a sudden there it is my sin relived.  Wait until you read this!

A Confident Heart by Renee Swope page 119 – “I sensed God whispering to me: Renee, I am that gold miner. You are the one who is so critical of yourself. You are the one who focuses on your mistakes & beats yourself up with accusation & condemnation. Those are not My thoughts. I see the gold of My image, woven into your heart when I created you. I want to bring to the surface so others can see it too.”

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Refiner’s fire is hard but, the end result is so worth it.

I always sense He says “let it go, I have”. I laugh, I pray, “Lord, I know you have forgiven me, help me to forgive myself.”  The enemy is a pain in the side!  I have to cast him out regularly.  The enemy is just a bully. The enemy only has the power I allow. Why would I allow him to beat me down? I don’t let anyone else do that? God doesn’t condemn me, He corrects me.  He is gentle, He is a gentleman, He is loving & wants the best for me, He made me an heir to His throne. Tell satan to go away in the name of Jesus! Thank You Jesus. Stop talking bad about a daughter of the King!

I feel confident that The Lord has forgiven me. I’ve let go of a lot too. You see, I’ve learned from my mistakes. I very rarely repeat them (unless it’s my weight or spending, I’m working on both).  I don’t want my mistakes to consume me. They were necessary to develop my character but, they don’t hold me captive any longer. Have you read the Bible? There’s a lot of people in there that have made big mistakes & yet God loved them & used them. Amen.

A Confident Heart by Renee Swope Page 120,  “Jesus knew Peter would fail Him, but Peter’s past & future failures weren’t fatal. They didn’t determine how Jesus saw Peter, or the potential Jesus saw in Peter. It was Peter’s faith in Christ as Messiah & his love for the Son of God that, despite his obvious shortcomings, gave him potential to be used by God.

I LOVE my Savior. He is so forgiving. Peter questioned Jesus regularly. Peter actually said he didn’t know Jesus! Yet, he was used greatly, we still study stuff he did & said. Peter loved Jesus & Jesus loved him too! I want to be used by my Savior. I pray regularly that He will or does. I’m a willing vessel, I don’t care how He uses me, just that I’m usable. I can be used by Jesus. Jesus use me!

Lord, I thank You that You forgive me, that You love me, & that You have called me to be Your daughter. I thank You Lord that the words on this blog will touch someone. I appreciate Father God that You never let me take credit for the things I do, it’s all You. Please, Father God use me. Make me an empty vessel that only You can fill. In Jesus mighty name I pray, Amen.

This entry was posted on November 12, 2013. 12 Comments